In a spirit of mindful awareness of my words, I need to mention that when I’m around my kids I don’t like compassion.
Google it. It’s a b*tch.
I don’t like it because I can’t control it.
It’s the beast that makes me weep for children in Syria and Ukraine. It’s the pestilence that holds me paralysed as I feel my child’s pain.
And it prevents me from moving forwards, from making decisions … from being a skilful parent.
In an introductory video (you can see this video here – thanks Debra), Debra walks us through what we refer to as ‘The Four Questions‘. These are tools (questions to ask yourself) for good decision-making: for being less ‘reactive’ and for kick-starting a more mindful approach.
- Can I notice what is happening right now?
- Can I allow it just to ‘be’ here? (Can I make space for response?)
- Can I bring some compassion or kindness to what I am experiencing?
- What needs to happen now?
Firstly, as an introvert, my modus operandi is to stop and think. You won’t find me reacting instantly. It drives my extraverted friends crazy, and it drives my kids to distraction because they want everything to happen instantly. Or yesterday. But I’m okay with that.
The challenge for me is to be sure I’m actually actively creating space, and not just silence. There’s a difference.
Unfortunately, if I don’t act, inaction and passive parenting become the decision.
I am not sure how to think about this.
So I’m opting to let it go for the moment, and trust the process.
I will memorise these questions so that when I’m faced with an emotional teenager and I have an emotional reaction to her, I have a tool to fall back on. Questions to break through the Feels.
Because, Compassion, you suck.
Today, I’d rather be a robot.
The Feels 